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This post is revisited from my old blog Lock Stock & Barrel. I am migrating (one blog post at a time) over to WordPress because apparently it’s pretty cool…and I agree!

 

Yesterday’s post was from 16th December 2011 but it was also stupidly long so I split it in two. Here’s the rest. Everyone has website issues at some point, right? No? Well then perhaps you’ve needed to take you car to the garage recently? Still no? Hmmm…well…everyone pretended to drive (lorry driver style) when they were little, so there should be at least one thing here you can relate to! 😀

 

Dear all,

Just had a few days break from writing this post as I checked on my website and suddenly realised that overnight it had been blown up, yes seriously, it was a whopper. The size of my letters would have made Godzilla cower and shake! After trying to establish whether it was a fault with the hosting company that would right itself in time, and not getting very far, I eventually bit the bullet (funny as my books are mafia related) and started working on my site again. It took a whole day of solid commitment to get it back on track. Imagine watching dripping water if you will, your aim being to fill the glass. It was like this: drip…drip…drip…drip…………………….drip, drip…………………………….drip………….drip…drip…drip…drip…drip…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..DRIP! I resisted the urge to swear there!

I actually screamed out loud (sol) at one point but dare I say, after about nine hours of staring at a screen, I got there in the end. Good job I’m a ram by star sign, persistent, stroppy, temperamental, strong willed…with a lot of hair, short legs and big nose. See, Ram!

I’ve been checking out the hit counter on my blog, which only tells me what country visitors are coming from so don’t worry, it doesn’t gather detailed information or anything I could rinse your bank accounts with, and I can now add Israel to the list of countries that have hit my site. That is so very cool and, hello Israel. I now have interest from across America, Canada, France, UK (obviously), Turkey and not forgetting Israel. I always think I should know these people and I spend a great deal of time wondering how I can link Durham, London and  Bristol to Tel Aviv, Texas, Ontario, Denver and Austin, to name but a few. Either way, I love that they have all helped to bump up my hit counter and reassure me that people are interested enough to take a look and maybe (fingers crossed) share what they’ve found with others.

So, now the webpage job is done I can put my mind to other things, like my next blog post, which is a little bit late (sorry), and my steering wheel, which is doing some strange juddering thing. If I can describe here, some of you might relate. Cast your mind back to being five, sitting on the sofa (or better a chair you’ve pulled from the dining room and placed in front of a couple of other chairs you’ve pulled from the dining room), you sit down, shout over your shoulder at the imaginary children in the back to shut up arguing because you’re trying to drive, and then you grasp your invisible steering wheel (which for some reason is the size of a lorry driver’s steering wheel) and bounce up and down, letting your hands move back and forth like you’re milking a massive cow that’s lying on its side. Got it? Well that’s what my car is doing right now but I need to think of a different analogy to take to the garage. I certainly don’t need my little stories making me look like a really poor version of the pictures pasted to the inside of their tool boxes and the grim calendars hanging in the office. I hate it!

Once upon a time I went to pay for some work on my car and was confronted with an image so pornographic – I think it was February, and it may have been romantic for some but it certainly wasn’t for me – it made me feel properly freaked out. I might even spend some time thinking about a business I could open where men will need to come in. I can then hang nude pictures of other men (better looking ones) taking unnecessary risks with their eyesight for the sake of my calendar. Do I sound bitter? Well, yes I am. I don’t like it and not even because they are gorgeous and fit, well done them, but because I could have taken my daughter or son in there and I don’t want them being exposed to things like that. Neither do I don’t want to feel like I’ve just walked in on someone having sex. All I actually want to do is pay for parts and labour and get my car the hell off that ramp! I think I will just let my husband take it and, for now, I will continue driving like a five year old.

Right, anyway, I’d better crack on it is Christmas next week! I want to get everything ‘Christmas related’ sorted before 3.25 this afternoon so I don’t have to do it with moaning or hyper children in tow! No pressure then! Next stop, book a Tesco delivery slot and order another present online….ahhh it’s just so festive isn’t it?

With Christmas love to you all and I hope you have a very merry good one followed by a very happy and healthy New Year!

From me. Jess. X

 

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