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This post is revisited from my old blog Lock Stock & Barrel. I am migrating (one blog post at a time) over to WordPress because apparently it’s pretty cool…and I agree!

 

Wix blog post dated 6th February 2012:-

 

Dear reader!

We are all loving the white stuff at the moment and I’m not talking milk, or anything illegal either for that matter! Actually when I say ‘all’ I mean the kids mostly, me, not so much! Snow is a funny thing…if you’re mad. When you open the curtains in the morning or watch it silently settle late at night it’s wonderful, perfect, untouched. It’s a birthday cake patiently waiting for the grand presentation…right before being hacked to bits. Also snow is never as good close up as it is far away and to be fair, if I had a choice, I’d be getting as far away as possible right now.

This morning I noticed from the dual carriageway that the gently rolling countryside had turned from green to white. The farm houses had been topped with icing and the sheep, suddenly very well camouflaged, were pulling themselves along on their tummies with automatic machine guns flung across their backs as they took advantage of their new environment and dug their way to safety. Nobody has realised yet but, have no fear, I did hear that Quorn fillets are the new ‘lamb’ this Spring.

Closer to home the snow has turned from white to brown, from crisp to sludge, from beautiful to, well, a wet dirty mess that gets absolutely everywhere. But, as I say, the kids are still loving it. We drove to a village pub yesterday for a birthday meal and our car got pelted with snowballs but not by small children. The tall, dark hooded, ice brandishing figures were considerably older than five or six and a couple may even have been in their twenties. They had really good aims and very strong right swings, Play Station don’t half build their muscles up! Kidding I know they don’t spend all of their time on the Play Station…they divide and share it equally between snowball hurling and Xbox 🙂

No need to worry it seems we were not the only victims of snowball crime yesterday. We had not been singled out for having a rubbish car – relief – for when I turned on the radio this morning to take my children to school and pre-school I was quite amused to hear that the local police have been inundated with calls. As a result the police have now requested that people do not report being hit with snowballs unless deemed a real threat of antisocial behaviour. I am considering ringing them up and telling them I have a pretty menacing looking snowman in my back garden and he has been there (I’m assuming it’s a he) since Saturday morning. Isn’t that loitering with intent? He’s in my garden, isn’t that trespass? He is wearing a scarf that I never granted permission for him to wear, isn’t that TWOC (taken without owner’s consent)? He is also killing my grass, isn’t that criminal damage? And I mean, I don’t want to be picky or anything, but my phone just rang and the person didn’t speak. I think the snowman might also be harassing me and I want to know WHAT the police are going to do about it??? I pay my taxes I know my rights!

On a more serious note, one of the things I do not like about the snow is how taken off guard we find ourselves. When I heard we were getting snow a few days ago I kind of panicked, recalling how it was a few years ago after we heard the news of impending snow. We were living somewhere else at the time and our cars wouldn’t make it up the hill outside our house and onto the main road. The main road leading into the village was so lethal someone actually slid from the top of the hill to the bottom. There was no grit, deliveries couldn’t make it through, schools were closed, airports too and the pregnant woman a few doors down from us suddenly started looking bigger and her bump even lower! I was very scared we would have to perform a home birth, and I might not have enough towels! Fortunately this year has been different. The children have gone off to school and pre-school, our Avenue is like an ice rink but the main roads are perfectly fine and as far as I know the shops still have the essentials.

It’s funny because I wouldn’t describe myself as a spoilt person. We own not one but two small, crap cars. We own a beautiful semi-detached house that’s too small for us and the kids have to share a room. We don’t go to exotic places unless you class Tesco in another town as exotic and our television is only the size of a wall mounted laptop, much to the annoyance of one of my movie loving friends. So why then do I worry about losing contact with the outside world so much? I find myself wondering if we could get the car to the hospital should one of us have an accident at home, and how much longer the journey might take in the snow. I worry the pipes might freeze and we might not have any water. I even worry that we might get sick and run out of bleach! I know what you’re thinking, ‘Jess you covered water and bleach but what about food?’ Don’t worry I don’t eat much and I’ve cooked so many meals and frozen them that we should be good for a while…unless of course our neighrbours don’t have food, in which case I might have to recalculate…and amend my post…to include the stocking of beans, powered milk and soup.

Anyway, once again I shall be blaming my imagination for the issues I have over snow and go and hibernate in my bed until it’s melted and the weather has started to be much more civilised.

For now take care with the white stuff in whatever quantity or form you might be dealing and I hope the next post sees sunshine and an indication that Spring is on its way. Optimistic or what!

Take care from me, Jess x

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